Days of Old

Two brothers ready for a day out
Summer 2006

Heartbreakingly, for this mother, another school year has come to an end, and I guess it's as good a time as any to begin accepting the fact that we are ONE year away from having a middle schooler. We now officially have a rising 5th and 2nd grader. I can barely even wrap my head around that. It's almost too much, the thought threatening to push me over the edge virtually every day we draw closer to August.

My little guys,growing up now.  Big teeth and big smiles.
December 2011

Spring seems to have been one event after another, and something tells me this is becoming the norm. I remember when the First Little Nguyen was born, and I couldn't imagine anything more wonderful than being able to stay home with him. The days seemed long and endless then, and potty-training a child was surely going to be the greatest accomplishment of my adult life. Then, the Second Little Nguyen came along, fuzzy-haired and joyful. Life sped up, full throttle, jettisoning us into the years of early childhood and animal crackers and Duplos, and everything spun out of control. I thought, back then, that I would never catch my breath. Now, of course, I laugh at that. Out loud. 

At Grandma's, September 2005

Benjamin at Greenwich Point, July 2006

Thomas, June 2005

4th of July at the fairgrounds, 2005

 I long for those lazy days where fire trucks and dinosaurs were fascinating, where a story had never been heard and Goldfish crackers were the tastiest snack around. I want the days back when no one knew what chocolate was and little voices would ask all day long, "Mommy, what IS that?"  Now, these two Little Nguyens know so much, I am no longer the expert on way too many things, and they are almost completely self-sufficient. I am a chauffeur and the person who makes sure we eat healthy stuff and wear clean underwear and tie our shoes and have fun foam for school projects. I "take care of us" as Thomas explains, which is true, and I truly appreciate that he understands. But the memory of days where lifting my pink-cheeked, post-nap happy faces from their cribs would melt my heart isn't that long-gone, and I see glimpses of them from time to time. Sometimes I think my Little Nguyens sense my longing, and they stop to offer sweet smiles and giggles and hugs on occasion.  The memories are painful sometimes to think about because I know those days are gone forever, but the sweet little moments they indulge me in carry me through. 

Benjamin at the American Museum of Natural History
New York City, July 2006

Thomas and Cassie
Rapid City, 2005

 It's a heavy feeling watching them grow up. And it's particularly nauseating for me now, when I listen to my Little Nguyens whisper about cute little girls and blue eyes and "She runs fast!" This is really just seven- and ten-year old-speak for "That chick is HOT!"  These fast-running, super cute, blue-eyed, sweet little girls will one day steal my babies away. From me. Ugh. I realize how that sounds...it's a pretty jealous statement, isn't it? But, if you're a mother with a son or a father with a daughter and you don't think you will ever feel that way, you are kidding yourself! I am just preparing myself for the inevitable.  It's the circle of life, and my Little Nguyens will one day feel that overwhelmingly intense, irrepressible love for their own children.

Halloween 2005

Greenwich Point, July 2006

 Maybe the fact that I realize how fast they're changing is a blessing in itself. Maybe thinking about it and contemplating it makes me slow down a little when I am moving too fast. Maybe these things are brought to mind for a reason. The truth of it is, I love every haircut and loose tooth and inch grown. I love their broadening shoulders and long legs and laughs and giggles. And I love their little butts. Can I say that? They're so cute and not a day goes by that I don't just want to squeeze them! But at the same time, my heart aches with every soccer goal missed, every scraped elbow, every mean friend, and every broken heart. I hate watching them make mistakes they wish they hadn't made. Yet all of those things -- the good and the bad -- remind me that my Little Nguyens are healthy and growing and that we are just plain blessed. They are filled with a lot of life, and a lot of life that is yet to be lived. As difficult as it sometimes is, what a blessing it is to witness.  No matter how fast it slips by.

My Two Little Nguyens, August 2006